Thoughts on Divorce
Since it's almost Halloween, let's explore a spooky thought. Have seen far too many friends and newsworthy couples separate this year. Why does this happen? If Al and Tipper Gore and Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman can't make it after three or four decades then what hope does anyone have?
Let me share some wisdom from personal experience and keen observation: Marriages fail because the couple (or one person) doesn't want the other anymore. I mean "want" in all ways possible including sweaty mind and body. One universal truth is that a lover always knows when no longer the beloved. As a wise woman once told me, all monogamous relationships involve three people: you, your lover, and the relationship itself. You must protect and nurture each with your life at all times; or, if you don't want this anymore, then it's time to go and let your lover move on, too.
Also, never have shame to be single! There's nothing wrong with loving many consenting adults over time but this decision depends on what you want from life and no one else can decide this for you!
Unfortunately, sometimes people stay together for reasons other than devotion. Honesty within yourself and to your lover is critical as feelings will change sometimes beyond repair. In other words, you'll never have the same relationship from the time you say, "I do" to "I die" but it means that for your marriage (or relationship) to last, you must treat your lover like a nekkid, sweaty, and juicy being at all times (even though you may not always feel this way about them every minute.) As we age, our bodies change, but the point is to enjoy the adventure and appreciate your lover for their time on this earth. This is also why fantasies that don't hurt anyone else are so important to all ages!
Remember, you're never old until you're 100; and, even this is changing faster than we think. ;-)
Other ways to protect your lover:
"It takes two people to make a relationship and only one of them to screw it up."
Have a happy life (and Halloween)! It's far too short.
Let me share some wisdom from personal experience and keen observation: Marriages fail because the couple (or one person) doesn't want the other anymore. I mean "want" in all ways possible including sweaty mind and body. One universal truth is that a lover always knows when no longer the beloved. As a wise woman once told me, all monogamous relationships involve three people: you, your lover, and the relationship itself. You must protect and nurture each with your life at all times; or, if you don't want this anymore, then it's time to go and let your lover move on, too.
Also, never have shame to be single! There's nothing wrong with loving many consenting adults over time but this decision depends on what you want from life and no one else can decide this for you!
Unfortunately, sometimes people stay together for reasons other than devotion. Honesty within yourself and to your lover is critical as feelings will change sometimes beyond repair. In other words, you'll never have the same relationship from the time you say, "I do" to "I die" but it means that for your marriage (or relationship) to last, you must treat your lover like a nekkid, sweaty, and juicy being at all times (even though you may not always feel this way about them every minute.) As we age, our bodies change, but the point is to enjoy the adventure and appreciate your lover for their time on this earth. This is also why fantasies that don't hurt anyone else are so important to all ages!
Remember, you're never old until you're 100; and, even this is changing faster than we think. ;-)
Other ways to protect your lover:
- Don't have an affair (emotional or physical) - most physical affairs start as emotional connections. If you're sharing more with a friend than your lover...run! You must make things right with your lover (and each other) before making a new connection to someone else. This is only fair to everyone and avoids potential lifetime damage.
- Listen more than you speak but your lover is not your therapist. Get outside help, if you need it, and keep looking until you find assistance that works for you (even if this takes a long time; or, your lover won't go, too.) Do you need help? Get it and keep looking, if necessary.
- Don't use alcohol or other drugs to escape emotional pain. Deal with it and get help today.
- Roving eyes are unsexy between lovers. If you want to be single, please stay that way!
- Find things to do together that don't cost money.
- Exercise and eat healthy (more veggies and less meat as much as possible). Also, keep moving as much as you can. In Okinawa, many elders simply sit on the floor and then get up again each day to keep their bodies nimble. Need proof? Visit TED: Dan Buettner: How to live to be 100+
- Don't forget anniversaries and birthdays.
- Enjoy the time you have even doing stupid stuff like laundry
- Thank your lover for allowing you to be who you are and not who they want you to be (read this in a greeting card many years ago and still love the sentiment)
- Appreciate the fact that, at any moment, it could all be gone - you have the precious, so nurture
- Don't fight about stupid shit because you'll each have your own (again, life's too short)
- Don't rattle each other's cages about sensitive subjects - let it go and move on
- Let lovers have harmless fantasies together and solo: What do you care?
- Never, ever belittle your lover or their triumphs and tribulations (even in jest).
- Do things together and have solo time but neither too much.
"It takes two people to make a relationship and only one of them to screw it up."
Have a happy life (and Halloween)! It's far too short.
